Give Yourself A Pat On The Back, Dad.

The slim volume that arrived a few days ago stared at me all weekend.  It seemed to know that I had to blog about it at the beginning of this week and therefore actually write, which is something I've been finding difficult over the holidays.

But when I finally pick it up, "Crawling" is a pretty speedy, satisfying read.  I want to see how this dad --writer and artist Elisha Cooper-- copes with fatherhood.

Honestly, I hang on until the very end to see if he grows up.  That may not sound charitable, but I think it is.

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"Crawling" is a memoir about a father entering the perilous world of fatherhood --and more specifically, the world of a rather unconventional and more hands-on fatherhood than many men get to experience.

His musings --short chapters on mundane experiences that somehow transform themselves into rites of passage-- range from über-trendy-dad snippets such as the ritualistic daily tour of coffeeshops to which he takes his daughter; to He-Man/cold beer and pizza kind of vignettes such as watching ESPN or attempting to make friends at a playground by kicking a soccerball into a small creek; to sweet, incisive and poignant moments that echo in my own heart as I remember my own simple and tender moments with my little guy-- missing him when he is not around and feeling the emptiness of not carrying him around in a sling anymore, for instance.  There were a few parts that really really spoke to me, such as the following phrase (which I am tempted to cross-stitch and display over my mantelpiece),

"Schadenfreude is parenting's unspoken language."

Or, alternatively,

"Your child is your mortality looking at you."

Every once in a while, however, I wished I could reach into the book and knock Mr. Cooper upside the head for being so whiny or careless (hello, DOG?), or male, even.  But then something would stop me and would push me to read on.  Sometimes his observations would jar me for a few seconds and cause me to snipe under my breath-- are playground mothers inherently wary of men with babies?  Is it harder for a man to have his fatherhood role and feel actively validated in society?  Are men free game for lessons in child rearing?  Is Chez Panisse that good?

Answers:
* Probably-- playground mothers can be downright scary. 
* Yes-- men with babies can suspect and sometimes perceived as emasculated or hen-pecked by their wives or partners. 
* Absolutely-- but that doesn't make it any less rude.   However, women should lay off men not holding babies properly, as what they might lack in perceived grace they make up for with innate upper-body strength.
* I must find out.

I realized, thankfully none too late, that what kept me back from assaulting him was the fact that I, as a parent, have much growing to do myself: I am learning from my child as he learns from me, and I don't hold the answers-- nor does Mr. Cooper.  I am glad that he had the courage to share those parts of himself that are not as pretty or flattering in this book: that's what being a parent is truly all about.

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