A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!

I Mean, No One Is Going to Eat Your Eyes (If You Don't Do This Meme)

I have Re: Your Brains stuck in my head.  Do I think you should listen to it?  Damn straight, Skippy.  I feel like a total poseur even bringing it up, except that I just love this song.  This guy is talented, I tell you.  Doubt me?  Listen to this one.  You will agree.

Oh yeah, and I'm far too excited about the Facebook Zombies application to pretend I'm cool.  (Zombie mogul!!!!11!!  W00t.)

________

And so, to push the internet kitsch further into overdrive, here is an ancient Four Things meme that I'm sure has traveled the interwebs far and wide-- I swore I'd already completed it, but I guess I didn't.  However, this time it was one of my dear in-laws (or should I say, in-Meows?  Hi there!) who tagged me, so it must needs be done.  If you would like to play along, please do:

Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. Assistant stage manager.  Remove the"-istant stage manager" part and you'll see what I thought of that job.
2. Gift-wrapping at a department store.  It was mostly fun, but it sucked at Christmastime.
3. Camp counselor.  Mostly fun, except when it wasn't.  And when it wasn't it really sucked.
4. High school teacher.  Best and worst job ever.

Four places I have lived:

1. Bogota, Colombia, South America.  For some reason, that feels like it happened in a parallel universe.
2. Monterey, California.  Fun, cute, quaint, but way too quiet.
3. Honolulu, Hawaii.  Really quite beautiful, but now I completely understand the meaning of the term "island fever".  Also, "totally overrated, unless you're visiting" comes to mind.  However we've been reminiscing about it through "Magnum P.I."-- thank you, Netflix.
4. Washington D.C.-- gorgeous in spring, thank you!

Four other places I have been:

1. The Panama canal-- pretty cool, really.  It was raining upwards that day-- very odd.
2. At the top of the Empire State Building.  I know-- not too exciting.
3. Near one of Pablo Escobar's many houses.  I got to see the very high fence.  Woo.
4. Here, and a mile to the north-northwest of there, off-roading.  And yes, it is really THAT romantic.

Four places I'd rather be right now

1. Twenty to thirty minutes in the future, when my roasted chicken is actually completely cooked and we're eating.
2. Carmel beach, walking barefoot.
3. Café Laufer --one of the things I truly and deeply miss about Hawaii-- eating some Mulligatawny soup and eyeing the Charlotte Russe (the pastry, not the cheap store).
4. In bed, sleeping.

Four friends or relatives I think will respond:

It's okay-- no pressure.  If you've already done this, feel free to point me to that entry (if it's not too much work).  If you haven't, please proceed!

Happy Monday, everyone!

Reject: "Loud Burper" Is Just Two Words.

I love the times when I get to ride the Metro by myself.

I don't think I need to emphasize the fact that I love my family and friends, and that I cherish the times I get to ride with them. 

Suddenly images from the time two of my friends-who-also-happen-to-be-mothers and I rode to the Building Museum and had an animated conversation about guys who are hot versus guys who are ugly-hot flood the mind. 

Clive Owen was the hottest ugly-hot guy by consensus, by the way.  Daniel Craig was also on the list.

But anyway, yes: I remember fun times and scary times and funny times and times when the wrong train was boarded by accident.  You get the idea.

But when you ride by yourself you get to see things.  Or well, *I* get to see things and see people and think about what it all means.  Like the way the green train I was riding on Saturday afternoon was absolutely delighted and awed by the way three beautiful boys --maybe in their late teens, maybe in their early twenties, but still with that lovely flush of utter youth-- were carrying on a conversation in American Sign Language.

You could really hear only the sounds that escaped them-- the sound of the train against the rails, the occasional thumping of the cars, a polite sniffle or a cough.  Otherwise, everyone in our car was making an effort to pay attention to their vivid signing.

I was looking at them intently-- well, at their reflections on the car's windows.  I couldn't take my eyes off them: they were so dynamic and vibrant and filled with life in their silence that wasn't. 

And there it is: that is why I like to ride on the Metro.  Because you can share moments like those with strangers; moments that are just as intimate as those you share with friends and family, but that much more meaningful because you've bonded with people you may never see again.

_________

And this bit o' fluff brings me to an exercise I saw over at The Chronicles of Tewkesbury.  It consists of something that is not necessarily easy, but it's one of those introspective things that are to me like flames to a moth.  Inspired by a book called Not Quite What I Was Planning, and originally devised by BookBabie, this meme asks you to write a SIX WORD memoir.

I know.  Six words?  Seriously.  No consideration for those among us who suffer from verborrhea, right?  But don't let me stop your fun.  First off, here are the official instructions:

1. Write your own six-word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4. Tag five more blogs with links.
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play. (This last step is optional.)

Here are mine.  Yes, "are".  Because this is hard and I need validation through comments, so maybe you can tell me which one you like best, yes?

 Madame Meow™:

1. Thinking deeply, so you don't hafta.
2. Cat thinks she's a damn mouse.
3. Here, there, everywhere, all over again.
4. Living life as Plato's Allegory, redux.
5. Bringing Annoyingly-Introspective Back Since 2005.
6. Housework won't happen with prayers alone.

Alrighty.  Some are cheeky, some are fo' realz-- appropriately, there are six and hey!  Thirty-six is one of my favorite numbers. 

(did I mention this is rather hard?)

I am tagging some folks but please, by all means feel yourself tagged if you'd like to do it: I think it's a good exercise in distilling your essence --whatever the hell that means.

_________

Ghosty, Florinda, Bohemian Girl, Anita, Alejna and OC Girl:  consider yourselves über-tagged.  You know that when the German comes trotting out, things are, like, totally serious.

(And you, out there and reading and counting the words, you too!)

In Which She Discovers Her Life Is Kind Of Boring

Dear SoloMother tagged me in a vicious "no backsies" way the other day --almost at around the same time I was tagging her for the "10 Things I Like About Myself" meme.

The meme?  "10 Things That Happened To Me."

I've been thinking a LOT about this meme and doing much trying-to-remember stuff.  I was talking to a friend the other day, and while I could conjure up a delightful stream of saliva to grace my lower lip, she was busy remembering brushes with fame and near-brushes with the law. 

That's when I realized it:  honestly, I don't think that 10 things have happened to me. 

So this meme is an open meme: if you want, please

a) do it yourself in your site, or in the comments section, and please kindly link to me so I can fawn over your cool list; and if applicable,

b) tell me one cool thing that's happened TO ME.  Because honestly, I'm having a hard time thinking of much.

But hey, memes are about you as you relate to society and therefore beg of you to be completed, so I'm bucking up and writing ten happenings.  Prepare to snooze on a Monday:

10 Things That Have Happened To Me

1. I happened to be in a school that had its share of bomb threats.  I still remember one in particular, where our entire school had to be evacuated and we had to wait in a soccer field for a little while (about 2 hours or so).  It wasn't glamorous and it wasn't pretty, and you bet that 2,000 kids wearing wool and standing under the drizzling rain smell bad.

2. Speaking of bombs, I still remember a bomb that exploded very near our house --maybe some 8 blocks away, perhaps (I'll let Rev. Mom corroborate that fact).  I remember standing in my bedroom and seeing my window wobble as if made of Jell-o (talk about wiggle room, huh?).  I guess that was the first time I truly realized that glass is, in fact, not a solid.  The following day we walked by the site of the explosion and apart from some windows that were cracked or completely fallen on the ground, the building itself didn't look that bad.  Or maybe by then we'd become a little complacent.

3. Just now I saw a camera crew sneaking around the back alley-- we happen to live close to a WashingtonPower Player (where Herr Meow has gate-crashed), and I think they were trying to see what kind of "insider footage" they might get.  I was honestly tempted to call the police. ("That JUST happened," to quote Ricky Bobby)

4. Here's a happy one: I happened to meet Monsieur Meow through a blind date.  I used to watch "Blind Date" the tv show compulsively, and I read DateLab every Sunday (or Saturday, really, since that's when it's delivered) and I guess I've always wondered if two strangers can come together and, matched by some benevolent soul in an altruistic tour of duty, have a happy ending of sorts.  So, I guess that bit happened to us, so far.  Incidentally, dear DateLab, I think you tend to suck at match-ups-- it's a little depressing sometimes.

5. Um.... *grasping at straws here*... oh yeah!  It so happened that I did not tear at all during Herr Meow's birth.  How do you like them apples?  (I certainly did.)

6. It just so happens that I've moved three times in the past three years to three different timezones-- like radically up-and-move and all that stuff.  That's enough to knock about three years off my lifespan, and it looks like it'll happen again.  Maybe.

7. And while we're at it, 2004 was insane because we had two major deaths in my family almost exactly four months apart... and my two weddings to the same person (see item #4), right in between those two major deaths.  It was a very sad/happy/exhausting year, and all of that happened before July first.

8. It so happens that I am allergic to a certain yellow food dye.  This one time, when I was picking up some snacks for the kids at the Y at the Food Bank, I saw a whole bunch of See's Candy and other confectionery that had been left for dead --which should have kind of clued me in, but didn't-- and there was a particularly cute egg-looking thing covered in the most precious yellow icing.  I immediately and most gluttonously popped it in my mouth and ooh.... it was filled with cream and deliciousness.  It's a good thing I savored it, because the following morning I awoke covered from head to toe in hives and I passed out cold in a compromising position in the bathtub.  It was, mercifully, empty.  I refused to think that it could have been the yellow dye, until I ate something else with a similar hue (although in a much smaller quantity) and bingo!  Hive City: population, way too many.

9. I happened to go to the beach the other day, and kids were free!  It was unplanned, but hey!  It happened!

10.This one time I was going to Houston but the plane wouldn't take off because there was some sort of technical glitch and so I made friends with the nice gentleman sitting one seat over from me.  We talked and chatted and he offered to buy me a drink --in a nice way, not in a pervy way.  As we sat there, drinking our gin-and-tonics, the crew announced that they were really sorry about the delay and that ALL drinks would be complimentary during the flight.  After double-checking that complimentary a)truly meant "free" and that b) it extended to alcoholic drinks, I proceeded to find out that hard alcohol and 10,000 feet do not mix very well.  But, oh... it was a very nice time while it lasted.

There you have it: ten happenings in the life of Madame Meow.  I could almost bet money that as soon as I get up from here and go get Herr Meow (never mind: coming down the stairs as of right now), I will remember a host of awesome and jet-setting things that happened to me.

Or not.  Have a happy Monday, everyone!

Jellicle Cats, Jaleo, Johnny Jump-Ups, and Jebus Cwist Also Made The List

A few days ago I was assigned a letter by comebacknikki: this would be a letter under which ten of my favorite things are listed.   I will try to attempt said meme, but my head is still abuzz over so many things-- especially since I just went to check in on her blog and she revealed she's had a very sad loss in her family.  To her I am sending my deep condolences and warm thoughts.

A new year filled with possibilities, but yet it is all so much of the same. 

My letter is J.

1. January. 
I've always liked the artificial idea of a new beginning.  Of course, one can claim all beginnings are artificial, but certainly none are as arbitrary as the start of a calendar year.  And yet, everything feels oddly new: like a new chance at redemption.  Like you never had all that champagne and you didn't forget the order of the numbers while counting backwards.

Like this:

2. Jasmine.
Well people, here I am in the middle of winter and thinking of summer smells.  It must be yet another symptom of the human condition shining through, but I keep thinking of summer and of wearing less clothing (after years of yearning for the chance to wear wool until my skin turned red), and of going to a warm beach and of buying a Radio Flyer wagon and pushing Herr Meow to Eastern Market and purchase seasonal produce.   Yes.  All my fantasies involve retail activities.

3. Jemima (Aunt)/Jacks (Flap).
One of the many reasons I married Monsieur Meow could be summed up with those two words-- namely, he makes me pancakes and waffles.  Mind you, sometimes his experimentation yields such cooking horrors as ultra dense waffles with no salt, but there is still romance in eating something closer in consistency to gak than to breakfast food and knowing that someone made it for you.

4. Jiggers, Jeroboams.
And magnums, and methuselahs and splits and pints and fifths.  Yup: I like alcohol.

5. Jammies (footed).
I have always loved them.  And now that I get to see a little person wearing them all over the house, my fondness of them has skyrocketed.

6. Japanese Jumble.
Specifically, sushi rolls and tonkatsu and shabu-shabu and tempura and miso soup and beer and cute little tea sets and Hello Kitty and nekos and chopsticks and Iron Chef and sakura in the spring.  And even sakura in the winter, because we have some trees around here blooming very early (picture to come soon).

7. Jam and jelly.
Always a good way to start the morning, jams and jellies are happiness in a small jar. 

8. Jellies. Janes (Mary)
And espadrilles, boots, pumps, kitten heels, flip-flops, etc.  Shoes are not just wonderful and rife with Freudian meaning, you know.  Shoes are the *other* windows to the soul.  If you want to know things about people that they do not want to tell you, look at their shoes-- thereon lie all answers. 

9. Jolene.
Pretty name, pretty song(s).  Listen?

10. Jammin', Jivin', James Brown!!!
Okay, music.  I have tried to be a music snob several times and I'm happy to inform that all times were unsuccessful.  I like Billy Joel, ABBA, the Spice Girls, American Idol winners and also-rans, Mariah Carey's crazy ass, Whitney, Justin Timberlake, J. Lo. and pretty much any oldies song.  I even like Britney Spears's old stuff, and AND AND!  I have a soft spot in my heart for ALL boy bands, even if their songs are able to trigger sugar shock in people with iron-clad pancreata (<--- cool plural, huh?  I had to look it up).

______

New Year's Resolution: To fill my world with music, and to fill my blog with multimedia.  Thanks to my bud Maxwell Patrick for the radio.blog.club referral-- it was SO AWESOME to see you and M!

Mme. Meow: Meowstermind

Welcome back to work, everyone.  I know you must be thrilled.

But then there is the whole bit about how today is already November 27th and in less than a month it'll be Christmas --which is on a Monday, so you'll probably be off Saturday and Sunday anyway.... and possibly either Friday or Tuesday, depending on just how much you party or how far away your family lives, right?

______

But if you are thinking about changing pace and doing something exciting, maybe you ought to consider working for the CIA! 

*crickets*

Okay, okay, but you can at least take their super-duper coooooo quizzy-- I got it through Kitty, and here I am, sharing it with you.

So. Click here to take the CIA personality quiz! 

Here is my result:  I am an Impressive Mastermind.  *ooooooh*

I am suddenly feeling, like, SO George Clooney in "Ocean's Eleven" .... or maybe Marky Mark in "The Italian Job"?

Honestly, I'm not so sure I'd be a great mastermind, partly because my piping seems to be getting in the way.  Can anyone think of good female masterminds?

But if the CIA says so, then it just gots to be, y'all.  After all, they are all about the *correct intelligence*-- ne c'est pas?

But Please: No Pat Sajak

I found this neat quizzy over at "Life of Red" and thought I'd give it a whirl.  I think the card is kind of a good fit: especially in recent times my life has had a topsy turvy quality that is well embodied by chance itself-- and chance has been awfully good to me for the main part.  But the hardest thing about this quizzy was to pick the artwork!  So here I am, sharing the results with all five decks, because I just couldn't decide which one was prettiest:

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Incidentally, I have actually made money reading tarot cards for people --and turned out to be surprisingly accurate (!).  Granted, the paying customers consisted largely of a drunk girl who thought it was the neatest thing ever that I was just sitting at a coffeeshop reading people's fortunes and pushed a $5 into my palm and wouldn't take "no" for an answer.  But hey, it was $5 I didn't have before.

So wherever you are, inebriated girl, I hope all is going hunky dory for you!

Happy end of Humpday, everybody!

That's Why It's Called The "Funny" Bone

While helping out a friend looking for something on the inty-net, I bumped into this really cool quizzy over at Short and Sweet Like Me. I'm not sure about my result: I realize that I have more of a dark humor than most, but... Chris Rock and Lenny Bruce? 

Wow.  I'm honestly flattered! :oP

 

   

the Provocateur       (52% dark, 38% spontaneous, 42% vulgar)

your humor style: VULGAR | COMPLEX | DARK You'll crack on anything, and you're often witty, even caustic, about it. Therefore, your sense of humor is  polarizing. You're transgressive, and you've got a seriously sharp 'edge'--maybe too much for some folks. If they get you, people think you're one of the funniest (and smartest) people in the world. If they don't, they  think you're an ass. Whatever, right? While some might question your judgement, your comic intellect is unquestionably respected. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Chris Rock - Lenny Bruce - George Carlin The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my best friend's best test: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

_____

That, in turn, reminded me of something I might want to get.  Be ye warned: scantily-clad preggers up ahead: Agent Provocateur's Maternity Line

_____

Enjoy, my pretties!  And if you feel like it, share your results ;o)

_____

It's because it's the Humerus.

Get it?

Ooooo's Shpoiled?

Found this meme kind of interesting.  I don't think it's very accurate but hell... is anything that accurate around here?

My bickering is in parentheses.

Mark an "x" if the statement applies to you.  If you have over 40, you're spoiled

(x) a television in your bedroom
(x) an iPod
(x) a photo printer (our printer does photo quality)
(x) your own phone line (did when I was younger, and everyone has cellphones anyway!)
( ) TiVo or a generic digital video recorder (I thought you rented those?)
(x) high-speed internet access [i.e., not dialup]
( ) a surround sound system in bedroom
(x) DVD player in bedroom (it's now broken though.. wah!)
( ) at least a hundred DVDs
(x) a childfree bathroom
( ) your own in-house office
( ) a pool
( ) a guest house
( ) a game room
(x) a queen-size bed or larger (two people may not sleep together on anything smaller!)
( ) a stocked bar (um.... does having a lot of booze count?)
(x) a working dishwasher
(x) an icemaker (it's built into the fridge)

(x) a working washer and dryer
(x) more than 20 pairs of shoes
(x) at least ten things from a designer store
(x) expensive sunglasses (because they are prescription!!)
(x) framed original art [not lithographs or prints]
( ) Egyptian cotton sheets or towels (they claim to be, but they're not as soft I think)
(x) a multi-speed bike (it's not really mine... Lord knows I'd never use it)
( ) a gym membership
(x) large exercise equipment at home (see comment re: bike)
( ) your own set of golf clubs (we own *some* clubs-- our ghetto "set")
( ) a pool table
( ) a tennis court
(x) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
( ) your own pair of skis
( ) enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
( ) a boat
( ) a jet ski
( ) a neighborhood committee membership (how is that being spoiled?)
( ) a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
(x) wealthy family members
( ) two or more family cars
(x) a walk-in closet or pantry
( ) a yard
( ) a hammock
( ) a personal trainer
(x) good credit (that's just being responsible-- puh-leez)
(x) expensive jewelry
( ) a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get (that's just lame)
( ) at least $100 cash in your possession right now
(x) more than two credit cards bearing your name (not counting gas cards or debit cards)
(x) a stock portfolio
(x) a passport
( ) a horse
( ) a trust fund [either for you or created by you]
( ) private medical insurance
(x) a college degree, and no outstanding student loans

Do you:
( ) shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
(x) do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
( ) pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry-cleaning)
( ) go on weekend mini-vacations
( ) send dinners back with every flaw
(x) wear perfume or cologne (not body spray)
( ) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon
( ) have a job but don't need the money OR
(x) stay at home with little financial sacrifice
( ) pay someone else to cook your meals
( ) pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
( ) regularly pay someone else to drive you/ taxis
( ) expect a gift after you fight with your partner

Are you:
(x) an only child
( ) married/partnered to a wealthy person
( ) baffled/surprised when you don't get your way

Have you:
(x) been on a cruise
(x) traveled out of the country
( ) met a celebrity
(x) been to the Caribbean
( ) been to Europe
(x) been to Hawaii
(x) been to New York
( ) eaten at the space needle in Seattle
( ) been to the Mall of America (uh..... seriously?)
( ) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
( ) been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
( ) moved more than three times because you wanted to
(x) dined with local political figures
(x) been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

Did you:
(x) go to another country for your honeymoon
(x) hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
(x) take riding or swimming lessons as a child
(x) attend private school
( ) have a Sweet 16 birthday party thrown for you

Yogini interruptus

It's almost yoga time but someone is very, very asleep.

I could wake him up but that would mean that someone would be very, very cranky for yoga.  That is not a good proposition.

As I type, I hear the echoes of the disgruntled baby who lives in this block.  This baby cries almost every single morning as if its limbs were being slowly and deliberately severed from its frame.  The parents, however, never seem to do anything but just take him out into the alley, so we can all be treated to its cries.

I honestly don't get it.

_____

While I wait for Señõr Hombre to wake up, I thought I'd jot down something that I remembered earlier.

Too late.  He's woken up with weapons of mass cuteness in his drowsy arsenal: yoga and my little story  will both have to wait.

So here's a quickie quiz while I nak ;o)

Your Hidden Talent

You are both very knowledgeable and creative. You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential. Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them. As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Spoonarama *rawr*

You know.... there is some spoon thing karma going on in the air for me here.  I bought this book that turned out to be such a dud I didn't get past the 10th page called "Spooning" (note to self: there are entirely too many books with the cloying pink covers that try to pass themselves for beloved chick lit.  Oh yeah, and you're getting old) and now this.  Interesting quizzy though.  Thank you Rae!

Find your own pose!