A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!

Mulligan

No prenatal yoga for me tonight, as I'm feeling a little icky and need to take it easy.  Also, no heavy lifting, no walking, early bedtime, and no blogging.

Seriously-- the whole blogging expectations thing can really compromise a pregnancy.  You heard it here first.

But since I can't leave you contentless, I am going to do two things I saw over at Live It, Love It.  Please join me in exploring if this blog was written by a man or a woman, and more specifically, what kind of man or woman:

From GenderAnalyzer.com--

We guess http://www.madamemeow.com is written by a woman (57%), however it's quite gender neutral.

Huh.  Gender neutral, eh?  I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, but I assume that I seem to mention boobs as much if not more than your average randy man.  Although, do men also blog about being catty, other mothers, babies, and shoes?  This tells me I shouldn't have dallied in buying that one pair of Christian Louboutins on sale.  Dammit.

___________

And now, from Typealyzer.com--

ISFP - The Artists

The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of.

They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.

Ha.  Funny.  Actually, it's not too bad, I suppose.  And eerily, it's only one letter off from my regular Myers-Brigg type, the sappy wah-wah INFP.  I'm thinking that, blogwise, it's not practical to blog in INFP because then people kind of get bored with your sensitivity and imagery and virtual notebook-doodling and leave.  But I could be wrong.

Okay-- look! A blog entry that wrote itself, and I didn't even have to lose one stroke off my game. 

It's beddy-bye time, all y'all.

Follow-up Meme: The Sweet 100!

Those of you who are regulars might remember the meme I shared back a month or so ago about The Omnivore's 100 --a list of foods both vomitive and sublime that most people who call themselves foodies should taste at some point.

Well, not to be outdone, Cakespy has put out a list of 100 treats to try in the same spirit as the original (i.e. caviar and blinis commingling with Big Macs and Hostess pies).  Here are the instructions and a link to Cakespy's original post.  Have fun!

(ZS note: as with the previous meme, the notes that follow the entry are based on my personal experience, because, well, I like to talk.  Er, write.  Also?  I think that as long as it's sweet, I'd give it a whirl and barf later if it was really bad.  Sorry about the possible visual.)

1) Copy this list into your site, including the instructions!
2) Bold all of the sweets you've eaten--or make them a different type color.
3) Cross out any of them that you'd never ever eat.

4) Consider anything that is not bold or crossed out your "To Do" List.
5) Optional: Post a comment here linking to your results--or just post a comment letting us know how many you've tried, or what you're going to try next!

1. Red Velvet Cake--I haven't had a piece yet.  Weird.
2. Princess Torte--I like marzipan.  I'm weird.  I know.
   
3. Whoopie Pie--They are good.  There.  I said it.
   
4. Apple Pie either topped or baked with sharp cheddar-- I think it's a requirement to try it at least once if you're living in the States.
   
5. Beignet--Fried dough is goooooood.
   
6. Baklava--Good, but a bit too sweet.  This is a bizarre statement coming from me.
   
7. Black and white cookie--Yes.
8. Seven Layer Bar (also known as the Magic Bar or Hello Dolly bars)--No, but it sounds odd.
9. Fried Fruit pie (sometimes called hand pies)-- Yup.  If it's fried, I have probably eaten it.
10. Kringle--Huh... no! 
11. Just-fried (still hot) doughnut-- Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  Heart.
12. Scone with clotted cream--a tea-time must!
    
13. Betty, Grunt, Slump, Buckle or Pandowdy-- Uh... yes?  God, I'm so confused.
    
14. Halvah--Ugh... vaguely remember not liking this much.
15. Macarons--No and I feel like a fraud.
16. Banana pudding with nilla wafers--Yes.  It's okay, I suppose.
    
17. Bubble tea (with tapioca "pearls")--One of the grossest things under the sun.
    
18. Dixie Cup--Well, I have had ice cream out of tiny cups but I don't know for sure if they were Dixie Cups.
    
19. Rice Krispie treats-- Made some recently, even.
    
20. Alfajores--Mmmmm.
21. Blondies--No, actually.  Sound intriguing.
22. Croquembouche--Does it count if I have eaten profiteroles by themselves?
23. Girl Scout cookies--Samoas!!!!!!!!!
    
24. Moon cake--Yes-- strangely tasty.
25. Candy Apple-- Yes, but it's so much work to eat!
    
26. Baked Alaska--On an Alaskan cruise, too!  They dress them up with sparklers and everything!  (Next I'll be telling you about the top entertainment in Bronson, Mo.)
27. Brooklyn Egg Cream--I know it's neither egg nor a cream, but the name turns me off.
28. Nanaimo bar--Nah, nah.  Imo.
    
29. Baba au rhum--The dessert of the gods.
30. King Cake--Nope.
31. Sachertorte--Sounds like something I'd love or whose cheap imitation I've ingested.
32. Pavlova--Sounds yummy.
    
33. Tres Leches Cake--Ooooh yes.  You gain 10 lbs. just looking at one.
34. Trifle--I even made my own back in 3rd grade!
35. Shoofly Pie--Molasses are not exciting.
    
36. Key Lime Pie (made with real key lime)-- Made one a few weeks back, even.
37. Panna Cotta--Purrable.
    
38. New York Cheesecake-- If it's cheesecake, I've probably eaten it.  All.
    
39. Napoleon / mille-feuille--Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x10^10!
    
40. Russian Tea Cake / Mexican Wedding Cake--Cute but annoying when the powder gets everywhere.
41. Anzac biscuits--Nope.  Feeling incomplete.
42. Pizzelle--Yummy!
43. Kolache--This looks suspiciously like a Danish roll.
44. Buckeyes--Can't say I have.  They look tasty, though.
    
45. Malasadas--In Hawaii you kind of are expected to at least try them.
    
46. Moon Pie--Nom.
    
47. Dutch baby--Never heard them called by that name, but they are tasty.
    
48. Boston Cream Pie--Cream pies and I are like this *crosses fingers*
    
49. Homemade chocolate chip cookies-- Of course!
    
50. Pralines-- Yes.  Not favorites, but tasty when sugar must be had.
51. Gooey butter cake--Oh lordy... this sounds like I must eat it, STAT!
52. Rusks--Are these technically sweet?  I mean, they are nummy but they are more bland than sweet, you know?
    
53. Daifuku--Apart from sounding vaguely like an insult, I just don't care for red bean paste... sorry.
    
54. Green tea cake or cookies-- Yes but do not remember being swayed with emotion.
    
55. Cupcakes from a cupcake shop-- Yes.  What a rip-off, for the main part.
    
56. Crème brûlée-- Hearing that crackle= bliss.
57. Some sort of deep fried fair food (twinkie, candy bar, cupcake)-- I know I said if it's deep fried, I've eaten it.  Alas, even I draw the line,
    
58. Yellow cake with chocolate frosting-- One of the best things in life.
    
59. Jelly Roll--I am a doughnut.
    
60. Pop Tarts-- Regretted every single one; still eat them.  (The store is a disgrace to the cake)
    
61. Charlotte Russe--So delicate and nummy... yes. 
    
62. An "upside down" dessert (Pineapple upside down cake or Tarte Tatin)--NOM!
63. Hummingbird Cake--No wonder there are so many fat Southerners (I'm looking at you, Paula Deen).  Gotta try it.
    
64. Jell-O from a mold-- Oh please.
    
65. Black forest cake--Possibly perfection in a cake.
66. Mock Apple Pie (Ritz Cracker Pie)--Disturbing, yet alluring.  Stop me now.
    
67. Kulfi--Can't you just ask about pistachio ice cream?  Because that, I have had.
    
68. Linzer torte--Um, I have had Linzertorte cookies... does that count?
    
69. Churro--NOOOOOOM!!!!!!
    
70. Stollen--No, I paid for it.  Once I got a very lame version for free.
    
71. Angel Food Cake--Yes, yes.
    
72. Mincemeat pie--Out of all the pies, not my favorite.  A nice choice, however.
73. Concha--Amazingly, no. 
    
74. Opera Cake--I've had a version of this-- I am sure of it.
75. Sfogliatelle / Lobster tail--Oh man... I know I've bitten into something like that, but I am just not sure.  After a while, all these pastries start to sound the same.
76. Pain au chocolat--It's as good as the chocolate they use.  Otherwise, I'd rather just eat a croissant.
    
77. A piece of Gingerbread House-- Stale gingerbread isn't exciting.
78. Cassata--I've had cassata ice cream, but I don't think I've had the cake.  Sounds a little ew, though.
    
79. Cannoli--It's a must, especially if you've seen pieces of The Godfather as many times as I have.
80. Rainbow cookies--Nope, but they look cute.
    
81. Religieuse--MmmmmmMmMmmmmm!!
    
82. Petits fours--These things are like Madame Meow crack.  Tiny frosted cakes in pretty colors?  All over that.
    
83. Chocolate Souffle--Yes, but amazingly not a favorite.  I like my chocolate more solid.
84. Bienenstich (Bee Sting Cake)--Sounds elaborate.
85. Rugelach--NOM NOM NOM! (even if the name sounds like barfing)
86. Hamenstashen--I've seen them in person but never eaten them.  Huh.
87. Homemade marshmallows-- No.  Somehow getting them out of a bag sounds more exciting, as sacrilegious as that might be.
88. Rigo Janci--I will say no, but again, it sounds familiar.
89. Pie or cake made with candy bar flavors (Snickers pie, Reeses pie, etc)--Yup.  It is really not very exciting, but it's tasty.
90. Divinity--MmmmmmmmMmMmMMmm!  (again)
91. Coke or Cola cake--Uh.... as much as I do like the taste of Coca-Cola, something tells me I should pass.
92. Gateau Basque--Wow... never heard of it, but it sounds so chic with its little cross thingy.
93. S'mores-- Yes.  Really not that exciting unless you're camping.
94. Figgy Pudding--Nope. 
95. Bananas foster or other flaming dessert-- It's one of my favorite kinds of dessert.  Dessert + fire = awesome.
96. Joe Froggers --I will say no, but molasses cookies sound familiar nonetheless.  Familiar, and a little yucky for some reason.
97. Sables--Yes, but it's not a favorite cookie.
    
98. Millionaire's Shortbread --Yes, but I'm not overly fond of shortbread.
    
99. Animal crackers--Kind of a parental requirement.
100. Basbousa Nope.... never even heard of it until now. 

I seem to be counting 67, which is a D average.  I guess that's not too bad butI feel like I need to avenge my sweet tooth somehow. 

How about you out there?

From the Stolen Meme Files: The Omnivore's 100

Saw this very intriguing meme over at Canned Laughter and thought I'd try it: there is always something morbidly fun about seeing just how many odd things you have or have not tasted. 

1)Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you have eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment at Very Good Taste linking to your results.

(** ZS Note: Many of these items should probably be looked up before you answer. --MM)

1. Venison- Not my favorite, really.
2. Nettle tea - Is it bad that most of my nettle-related memories involve putting it in your hair as a tonic?
3. Huevos rancheros - Eggs, beans, meat.  Pair with beer for an explosive day.
4. Steak tartare- Not terribly into raw beef.
5. Crocodile - Have had it, and it honestly does kinda taste like chicken.  Wouldn't mind having again.
6. Black pudding -I prefer to call it morcilla, and when done right it can put a little spring in your step.
7. Cheese fondue -Mmmmm.... it was worth the visits to several liquor stores to get the kirschwasser.
8. Carp -Not memorable, but hey-- it's fish.
9. Borscht -Greasy, lukewarm and disgusting.  And featuring my arch-enemy, beets.
10. Baba ghanouj - I'll stick to hummus.
11. Calamari - Yes, it's a little tough, but it's so very yummy when done right!
12. Pho - Yesssssss! And here's proof!
13. PB&J sandwich - I think it's one of those American musts.
14. Aloo Gobi- Oooh......curry.  Love.
15. Hot dog from a street cart, meat on a stick, too. -That's kind of a DC must, I think. 
16. Epoisses - Honestly? I'd never heard of it in my life, but it sounds kind of gross, Brillat-Savarin be damned.
17. Black Truffle- Hmm.... wow.  Nope, never had them, but I'm open.
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes -Raspberry wine is quite tasty.
19. Steamed Pork Buns - Oh.... heart.  My stomach is aflutter with Dim Sum memories.
20. Pistachio ice cream - It was a must in my parents' house.
21. Heirloom tomatoes - Even people who don't like tomatoes like heirlooms, right?
22. Fresh wild berries - Whenever I've had the chance, I've partaken.
23. Foie gras -I'll even eat it when it's called liverwurst.
24. Rice and beans - Is it possible that there is a person alive who's never tried rice and beans?
25. Souse and Brawn or Head Cheese - Gross.  No thanks.
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet Pepper- I'm not really into pain.
27. Dulce de leche - I prefer to call it arequipe, but yes please.
28. Oysters - Only if they are cooked.  Raw oysters make me uncomfortable.
29. Baklava -Tasty, but not among my most favorites.
30. Bagna cauda - Hadn't heard of it either, but that one does sound good.
31. Wasabi peas - They are okay, but I'd rather eat the crackers.  However, if you put a bowl in front of me, I'll probably pick at them.
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl - Warm, lovely, tasty Monterey memories.
33. Salted lassi -Salted sounds kinda icky, but those yogurt drinks are pretty yummy.
34. Sauerkraut -I'll let Monsieur Meow eat mine.
35. Root beer float-  YumYumYumYumYumYum!  Delicioso!
36. Cognac with a fat cigar - Cigars make my jaw ache.  Cognac doesn't.
37. Clotted cream tea - I prefer my tea peasant-style, thank you.
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O -Way to ruin jell-o.
39. Gumbo -Does anyone have a nice recipe?
40. Oxtail - Yesssssssss!!!!  I dream of oxtail stew.
41. Curried goat- Goat is gross.  Period.
42. Whole insects - Chocolate-covered ants are not bad.  They taste peppery.
43. Phaal - Scared of something billed as "hotter than Vindaloo"
44. Goat’s Milk- I seem to remember drinking it when I lived with my grandfather in the Austrian Alps.  Oh wait: that was Heidi.
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more- I'm not necessarily averse to trying really expensive whisky or scotch, but the opportunity hasn't presented itself, and I'm not a big fan of whiskey to begin with (this should count as 1/2).
46. Fugu - It just sounds a little too risky for my taste.
47. Chicken Tiki Masala-  Yum!
48. Eel -Stars in my favorite sushi roll, the Dragon Roll!
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut -Can any one person in this world say they are truly and well immune to doughnuts?  If so, I'd like to weep for that person.
50. Sea urchin - Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to try.
51. Prickly Pear - Tunas an pitahayas bring back childhood memories.
52. Umeboshi- I won't highlight it because I'm not sure, but this sounds familiar (they serve many a pickled thing at some Japanese restaurants).
53. Abalone - Only once, and I cannot remember it well enough.  I should then probably have it again.
54. Paneer - Nope, had never heard of it, honestly.
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal -Yes.  Don't tempt me, seriously.
56. Spaetzle -Yup.  Not bad, but I prefer dumplings when possible.
57. Dirty gin martini - The only things more beautiful than gin & tonics are martinis.  I am not super fond of really dirty martinis, though.
58. Beer above 8% ABV - Yes, ma'am!
59. Poutine - It will be a lovely day when I can try this Canadian delicacy.  For now, I will stick to chili fries.
60. Carob Chips - Sound vile.
61. S’mores - Of course :o)
62. Sweetbreads - Sick.
63. Kaolin -Why would I eat clay?  I don't have pica.
64. Currywurst - No but it sounds good.  Then again anything "sausage" is usually good.
65. Durian - Pass.
66. Frogs' legs: Never had them, but they sound intriguing.
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake - It's fried dough!  Of COURSE!
68. Haggis- I'm marking haggis as 1/2 because apart from the fact that it's made of sheep, there is not much difference between it and some kinds of black pudding.  (haggis lovers may commence lynching sequence)
69. Fried plantain -Proof there is a higher power. 
70. Chitterlings or Andouillette -Offal just sounds kind of mostly wrong.
71. Gazpacho -  When done right, it's pretty good.
72. Caviar and blini- Nope.  Never had the pleasure (except that, really, everyone's eaten blini.  I mean... pancakes?)
73. Louche absinthe - Not yet, but now it's legal in the US.
74.  Gjetost, or brunost- What's up with the weird cheeses in this list?
75. Roadkill - Okay... do people seriously eat roadside discards?  I mean, I can see eating opossum or squirrel, but picked off the side of the road?  Really?
76. Baijiu - Nope, but I've had soju.  I imagine it's just as bad.
77. Hostess Fruit Pie -This list is putting bad thoughts in my mind.
78. Snail - Cleaned and in a delightful garlic sauce, they sure are good.  Just off the ground?  Pass.
79  Lapsang Souchong -I can't say I've ever had it, and it shames me as a tea fan.
80. Bellini - Peachy goodness and champagne.  Whee!
81. Tom Yum- The people in my life force me to eat Thai.  I suppose there could be worse things in life.
82. Eggs Benedict - The perfect breakfast, always.
83. Pocky - Evil delicious sticks. 
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant - Wowza!  Fancy!  Does it count that I've stepped in and been turned away from a three-star restaurant? 
85. Kobe beef- Yes, but I gotta say it's a little skunky tasting.  Is that sacrilegious?
86. Hare- Is hare the same as rabbit for purposes of this list?  Because if yes, then yes. (that's why it's half-bold)
87. Goulash - We even have an inside joke about it.
88. Flowers - I've made my own candied pansies, even!
89. Horse - Oh please... you know if you've had meat from a dubious place, that you've probably had some horse unwittingly.
90. Criollo chocolate - Yum.
91. Spam -Well, it's good in musubis...
92. Soft-shell crab- I haven't!  Isn't that a shame?
93. Rose harissa - No.  But it sounds pretty!
94 -Catfish- I don't think I've tasted American Catfish.  Something about the whole bottom-dwelling lifestyle kind of puts me off a little.
95. Mole Poblano- It's always sounded intriguing.  Maybe one day I will try it.
96. Bagel and lox - Yum!
97. Lobster Thermidor - I've had lobster, but not Thermidor.
98. Polenta - It's especially good when cheesy.
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee   No thanks.  Colombian coffee is still the best to my taste and in my heart.
100. Snake- Hmm... I think I'll pass.

Wow... if I counted right (which you'd be surprised to know just how hard it is around my house), I have tried 64 out of 100.  That's like a D-average, but I suppose it's not too bad, right?

How about you, faithful blog readers?  How many have you tried?

Not as Many Pieces as James Frey's (but he was Lying Anyway)

Ah yes, about that overwhelm: it's still there but it seems to have moved a little to the back burner.  Thank you to those of you who left nice comments of encouragement: it was wonderful to read what you all had to say.

Monsieur Meow returns today and Herr Meow is taking a lovely nap with his new friend from IKEA, Albert the weasel and the house is nice and cool but not too cool and it's nice and quiet and I'm going to get up and continue to do things that need to be done this afternoon.

I had a great day with a wonderful friend (which really makes this husbandless break almost a complete and total raging success of female support) and I feel like I've accomplished things today.  Or at least some things. 

But by far, what I've gotten out of these past days is a little bit of perspective on what's truly important-- like loving people around you; health and a sense of well-being; a cute and adorable child who cracks you up even as you want to start screaming; modern telephony; french fries; crafty Swedish people; the mist setting on a hose; really good canned soup that does not taste canned; and one's mommy.

__________

And so I wanted to share a meme I saw over at Frances's wonderful blog, blogjem, and which I thought was really fun and beautiful.  And something you can definitely try whether you have a blog or not and still enjoy immensely.

Without further ado, my photomosaic:

Here are the instructions if you so wish to do this in your own blog (or just for fun):

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.

b. Using only the first page, pick an image.

c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

_____________

1. What is your first name? Maria
2. What is your favorite food? Hamburger and french fries!  Is there anything else?
3. What high school did you go to? Monterey High School
4. What is your favorite color? lavender
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Heh.... yes, Cristiano Ronaldo-- among others.
6. Favorite drink? Gin & Tonic
7. Dream vacation? Spa vacation.... mmm... and a bottomless credit card.
8. Favorite dessert? Chocolate cake (a la mode, but that got hardly any hits)
9. What you want to be when you grow up? A Renaissance woman
10. What do you love most in life? My baby, of course.
11. One Word to describe you. Observant
12. Your flickr name. Madame Meow

Thank you to the following Flickr people:

1. Santa Maria sopra Minerva, Rome, 2. hamburger cake, 3. IMG_0845.JPG, 4. Lavender bokeh, 5. Cristiano Ronaldo, 6. That Cool Refreshing Drink, 7. spa bento, 8. Our hand painted bakery menu board, 9. Maria Portinari by Hans Memling, 1470, 10. Baby cat, 11. snowflake melting on my coat, 12. Madame Meow

The Post That Almost Lived on Without a Title

Several things:

1. Typepad changed the "compose post" layout.  Aaack!  I was having a minor freakout for a few seconds, thinking I'd somehow stumbled into the wrong place or a twilight zone of weirdness where nothing is as it was.  Which it isn't but please, don't make me repeat myself.

2. My last post was #666.  Yikes!  I told you, Momzillas are evil and even my post counter thingy knows it.

3. Go to Zen Sarcasm Reviews! to read about a new book called The Yummy Mummy Manifesto.  It's very cute and a good read.  Please go?

4. Davdid Archuleta is going to win, isn't he?  If so, I'm wishing him a merry Jordin Sparks career.  Booooo.

5. I promised the very talented and awesome news source Anita of Prairie Dreams that I'd do a meme tonight so here goes.  It's time to reveal six weird things about me:

• As of today, May 20th 2008, I've never had one cavity in my life.  I realize in these days of modern dentistry and fluoridated water and whatnot it's not as big a deal.  But hey, I think that going 31 years without a cavity is kind of... weird at least.
• I like stale cookies, because I like my cookies soft, not crunchy. Whenever cookies accidentally stay out or opened just a bit and they go all soft and stale, I secretly rejoice.
• I like the smell of dead skunk on the road.  It smells kind of grassy and exotic and oddly happy.
• It won't ruin my day if it doesn't happen, but I strongly prefer to get up on the right side of the bed and place my right foot down first.
• Recently, I had a bite of a tofu pup (fake hot dog) and the mouth feel of the whole thing (semi-crunchy casing, semi-solid innards) nearly made me vomit.  Never again, my friends.
• I like Peeps.  It's the sugary crunch, I think.

Hmmm.... not a stellar diet, but oh well, right?  I am supposed to tag six people, so I think that I'll tag the last six comments, Anita excluded.  Yay!  You're it(s)!

More tomorrow!

PS: ACK!  A title is like oxygen!  How could this happen?!  I blame Typepad.  And Mac.

I Mean, No One Is Going to Eat Your Eyes (If You Don't Do This Meme)

I have Re: Your Brains stuck in my head.  Do I think you should listen to it?  Damn straight, Skippy.  I feel like a total poseur even bringing it up, except that I just love this song.  This guy is talented, I tell you.  Doubt me?  Listen to this one.  You will agree.

Oh yeah, and I'm far too excited about the Facebook Zombies application to pretend I'm cool.  (Zombie mogul!!!!11!!  W00t.)

________

And so, to push the internet kitsch further into overdrive, here is an ancient Four Things meme that I'm sure has traveled the interwebs far and wide-- I swore I'd already completed it, but I guess I didn't.  However, this time it was one of my dear in-laws (or should I say, in-Meows?  Hi there!) who tagged me, so it must needs be done.  If you would like to play along, please do:

Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. Assistant stage manager.  Remove the"-istant stage manager" part and you'll see what I thought of that job.
2. Gift-wrapping at a department store.  It was mostly fun, but it sucked at Christmastime.
3. Camp counselor.  Mostly fun, except when it wasn't.  And when it wasn't it really sucked.
4. High school teacher.  Best and worst job ever.

Four places I have lived:

1. Bogota, Colombia, South America.  For some reason, that feels like it happened in a parallel universe.
2. Monterey, California.  Fun, cute, quaint, but way too quiet.
3. Honolulu, Hawaii.  Really quite beautiful, but now I completely understand the meaning of the term "island fever".  Also, "totally overrated, unless you're visiting" comes to mind.  However we've been reminiscing about it through "Magnum P.I."-- thank you, Netflix.
4. Washington D.C.-- gorgeous in spring, thank you!

Four other places I have been:

1. The Panama canal-- pretty cool, really.  It was raining upwards that day-- very odd.
2. At the top of the Empire State Building.  I know-- not too exciting.
3. Near one of Pablo Escobar's many houses.  I got to see the very high fence.  Woo.
4. Here, and a mile to the north-northwest of there, off-roading.  And yes, it is really THAT romantic.

Four places I'd rather be right now

1. Twenty to thirty minutes in the future, when my roasted chicken is actually completely cooked and we're eating.
2. Carmel beach, walking barefoot.
3. Café Laufer --one of the things I truly and deeply miss about Hawaii-- eating some Mulligatawny soup and eyeing the Charlotte Russe (the pastry, not the cheap store).
4. In bed, sleeping.

Four friends or relatives I think will respond:

It's okay-- no pressure.  If you've already done this, feel free to point me to that entry (if it's not too much work).  If you haven't, please proceed!

Happy Monday, everyone!

Reject: "Loud Burper" Is Just Two Words.

I love the times when I get to ride the Metro by myself.

I don't think I need to emphasize the fact that I love my family and friends, and that I cherish the times I get to ride with them. 

Suddenly images from the time two of my friends-who-also-happen-to-be-mothers and I rode to the Building Museum and had an animated conversation about guys who are hot versus guys who are ugly-hot flood the mind. 

Clive Owen was the hottest ugly-hot guy by consensus, by the way.  Daniel Craig was also on the list.

But anyway, yes: I remember fun times and scary times and funny times and times when the wrong train was boarded by accident.  You get the idea.

But when you ride by yourself you get to see things.  Or well, *I* get to see things and see people and think about what it all means.  Like the way the green train I was riding on Saturday afternoon was absolutely delighted and awed by the way three beautiful boys --maybe in their late teens, maybe in their early twenties, but still with that lovely flush of utter youth-- were carrying on a conversation in American Sign Language.

You could really hear only the sounds that escaped them-- the sound of the train against the rails, the occasional thumping of the cars, a polite sniffle or a cough.  Otherwise, everyone in our car was making an effort to pay attention to their vivid signing.

I was looking at them intently-- well, at their reflections on the car's windows.  I couldn't take my eyes off them: they were so dynamic and vibrant and filled with life in their silence that wasn't. 

And there it is: that is why I like to ride on the Metro.  Because you can share moments like those with strangers; moments that are just as intimate as those you share with friends and family, but that much more meaningful because you've bonded with people you may never see again.

_________

And this bit o' fluff brings me to an exercise I saw over at The Chronicles of Tewkesbury.  It consists of something that is not necessarily easy, but it's one of those introspective things that are to me like flames to a moth.  Inspired by a book called Not Quite What I Was Planning, and originally devised by BookBabie, this meme asks you to write a SIX WORD memoir.

I know.  Six words?  Seriously.  No consideration for those among us who suffer from verborrhea, right?  But don't let me stop your fun.  First off, here are the official instructions:

1. Write your own six-word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4. Tag five more blogs with links.
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play. (This last step is optional.)

Here are mine.  Yes, "are".  Because this is hard and I need validation through comments, so maybe you can tell me which one you like best, yes?

 Madame Meow™:

1. Thinking deeply, so you don't hafta.
2. Cat thinks she's a damn mouse.
3. Here, there, everywhere, all over again.
4. Living life as Plato's Allegory, redux.
5. Bringing Annoyingly-Introspective Back Since 2005.
6. Housework won't happen with prayers alone.

Alrighty.  Some are cheeky, some are fo' realz-- appropriately, there are six and hey!  Thirty-six is one of my favorite numbers. 

(did I mention this is rather hard?)

I am tagging some folks but please, by all means feel yourself tagged if you'd like to do it: I think it's a good exercise in distilling your essence --whatever the hell that means.

_________

Ghosty, Florinda, Bohemian Girl, Anita, Alejna and OC Girl:  consider yourselves über-tagged.  You know that when the German comes trotting out, things are, like, totally serious.

(And you, out there and reading and counting the words, you too!)

In Which She Discovers Her Life Is Kind Of Boring

Dear SoloMother tagged me in a vicious "no backsies" way the other day --almost at around the same time I was tagging her for the "10 Things I Like About Myself" meme.

The meme?  "10 Things That Happened To Me."

I've been thinking a LOT about this meme and doing much trying-to-remember stuff.  I was talking to a friend the other day, and while I could conjure up a delightful stream of saliva to grace my lower lip, she was busy remembering brushes with fame and near-brushes with the law. 

That's when I realized it:  honestly, I don't think that 10 things have happened to me. 

So this meme is an open meme: if you want, please

a) do it yourself in your site, or in the comments section, and please kindly link to me so I can fawn over your cool list; and if applicable,

b) tell me one cool thing that's happened TO ME.  Because honestly, I'm having a hard time thinking of much.

But hey, memes are about you as you relate to society and therefore beg of you to be completed, so I'm bucking up and writing ten happenings.  Prepare to snooze on a Monday:

10 Things That Have Happened To Me

1. I happened to be in a school that had its share of bomb threats.  I still remember one in particular, where our entire school had to be evacuated and we had to wait in a soccer field for a little while (about 2 hours or so).  It wasn't glamorous and it wasn't pretty, and you bet that 2,000 kids wearing wool and standing under the drizzling rain smell bad.

2. Speaking of bombs, I still remember a bomb that exploded very near our house --maybe some 8 blocks away, perhaps (I'll let Rev. Mom corroborate that fact).  I remember standing in my bedroom and seeing my window wobble as if made of Jell-o (talk about wiggle room, huh?).  I guess that was the first time I truly realized that glass is, in fact, not a solid.  The following day we walked by the site of the explosion and apart from some windows that were cracked or completely fallen on the ground, the building itself didn't look that bad.  Or maybe by then we'd become a little complacent.

3. Just now I saw a camera crew sneaking around the back alley-- we happen to live close to a WashingtonPower Player (where Herr Meow has gate-crashed), and I think they were trying to see what kind of "insider footage" they might get.  I was honestly tempted to call the police. ("That JUST happened," to quote Ricky Bobby)

4. Here's a happy one: I happened to meet Monsieur Meow through a blind date.  I used to watch "Blind Date" the tv show compulsively, and I read DateLab every Sunday (or Saturday, really, since that's when it's delivered) and I guess I've always wondered if two strangers can come together and, matched by some benevolent soul in an altruistic tour of duty, have a happy ending of sorts.  So, I guess that bit happened to us, so far.  Incidentally, dear DateLab, I think you tend to suck at match-ups-- it's a little depressing sometimes.

5. Um.... *grasping at straws here*... oh yeah!  It so happened that I did not tear at all during Herr Meow's birth.  How do you like them apples?  (I certainly did.)

6. It just so happens that I've moved three times in the past three years to three different timezones-- like radically up-and-move and all that stuff.  That's enough to knock about three years off my lifespan, and it looks like it'll happen again.  Maybe.

7. And while we're at it, 2004 was insane because we had two major deaths in my family almost exactly four months apart... and my two weddings to the same person (see item #4), right in between those two major deaths.  It was a very sad/happy/exhausting year, and all of that happened before July first.

8. It so happens that I am allergic to a certain yellow food dye.  This one time, when I was picking up some snacks for the kids at the Y at the Food Bank, I saw a whole bunch of See's Candy and other confectionery that had been left for dead --which should have kind of clued me in, but didn't-- and there was a particularly cute egg-looking thing covered in the most precious yellow icing.  I immediately and most gluttonously popped it in my mouth and ooh.... it was filled with cream and deliciousness.  It's a good thing I savored it, because the following morning I awoke covered from head to toe in hives and I passed out cold in a compromising position in the bathtub.  It was, mercifully, empty.  I refused to think that it could have been the yellow dye, until I ate something else with a similar hue (although in a much smaller quantity) and bingo!  Hive City: population, way too many.

9. I happened to go to the beach the other day, and kids were free!  It was unplanned, but hey!  It happened!

10.This one time I was going to Houston but the plane wouldn't take off because there was some sort of technical glitch and so I made friends with the nice gentleman sitting one seat over from me.  We talked and chatted and he offered to buy me a drink --in a nice way, not in a pervy way.  As we sat there, drinking our gin-and-tonics, the crew announced that they were really sorry about the delay and that ALL drinks would be complimentary during the flight.  After double-checking that complimentary a)truly meant "free" and that b) it extended to alcoholic drinks, I proceeded to find out that hard alcohol and 10,000 feet do not mix very well.  But, oh... it was a very nice time while it lasted.

There you have it: ten happenings in the life of Madame Meow.  I could almost bet money that as soon as I get up from here and go get Herr Meow (never mind: coming down the stairs as of right now), I will remember a host of awesome and jet-setting things that happened to me.

Or not.  Have a happy Monday, everyone!

Jellicle Cats, Jaleo, Johnny Jump-Ups, and Jebus Cwist Also Made The List

A few days ago I was assigned a letter by comebacknikki: this would be a letter under which ten of my favorite things are listed.   I will try to attempt said meme, but my head is still abuzz over so many things-- especially since I just went to check in on her blog and she revealed she's had a very sad loss in her family.  To her I am sending my deep condolences and warm thoughts.

A new year filled with possibilities, but yet it is all so much of the same. 

My letter is J.

1. January. 
I've always liked the artificial idea of a new beginning.  Of course, one can claim all beginnings are artificial, but certainly none are as arbitrary as the start of a calendar year.  And yet, everything feels oddly new: like a new chance at redemption.  Like you never had all that champagne and you didn't forget the order of the numbers while counting backwards.

Like this:

2. Jasmine.
Well people, here I am in the middle of winter and thinking of summer smells.  It must be yet another symptom of the human condition shining through, but I keep thinking of summer and of wearing less clothing (after years of yearning for the chance to wear wool until my skin turned red), and of going to a warm beach and of buying a Radio Flyer wagon and pushing Herr Meow to Eastern Market and purchase seasonal produce.   Yes.  All my fantasies involve retail activities.

3. Jemima (Aunt)/Jacks (Flap).
One of the many reasons I married Monsieur Meow could be summed up with those two words-- namely, he makes me pancakes and waffles.  Mind you, sometimes his experimentation yields such cooking horrors as ultra dense waffles with no salt, but there is still romance in eating something closer in consistency to gak than to breakfast food and knowing that someone made it for you.

4. Jiggers, Jeroboams.
And magnums, and methuselahs and splits and pints and fifths.  Yup: I like alcohol.

5. Jammies (footed).
I have always loved them.  And now that I get to see a little person wearing them all over the house, my fondness of them has skyrocketed.

6. Japanese Jumble.
Specifically, sushi rolls and tonkatsu and shabu-shabu and tempura and miso soup and beer and cute little tea sets and Hello Kitty and nekos and chopsticks and Iron Chef and sakura in the spring.  And even sakura in the winter, because we have some trees around here blooming very early (picture to come soon).

7. Jam and jelly.
Always a good way to start the morning, jams and jellies are happiness in a small jar. 

8. Jellies. Janes (Mary)
And espadrilles, boots, pumps, kitten heels, flip-flops, etc.  Shoes are not just wonderful and rife with Freudian meaning, you know.  Shoes are the *other* windows to the soul.  If you want to know things about people that they do not want to tell you, look at their shoes-- thereon lie all answers. 

9. Jolene.
Pretty name, pretty song(s).  Listen?

10. Jammin', Jivin', James Brown!!!
Okay, music.  I have tried to be a music snob several times and I'm happy to inform that all times were unsuccessful.  I like Billy Joel, ABBA, the Spice Girls, American Idol winners and also-rans, Mariah Carey's crazy ass, Whitney, Justin Timberlake, J. Lo. and pretty much any oldies song.  I even like Britney Spears's old stuff, and AND AND!  I have a soft spot in my heart for ALL boy bands, even if their songs are able to trigger sugar shock in people with iron-clad pancreata (<--- cool plural, huh?  I had to look it up).

______

New Year's Resolution: To fill my world with music, and to fill my blog with multimedia.  Thanks to my bud Maxwell Patrick for the radio.blog.club referral-- it was SO AWESOME to see you and M!

Mme. Meow: Meowstermind

Welcome back to work, everyone.  I know you must be thrilled.

But then there is the whole bit about how today is already November 27th and in less than a month it'll be Christmas --which is on a Monday, so you'll probably be off Saturday and Sunday anyway.... and possibly either Friday or Tuesday, depending on just how much you party or how far away your family lives, right?

______

But if you are thinking about changing pace and doing something exciting, maybe you ought to consider working for the CIA! 

*crickets*

Okay, okay, but you can at least take their super-duper coooooo quizzy-- I got it through Kitty, and here I am, sharing it with you.

So. Click here to take the CIA personality quiz! 

Here is my result:  I am an Impressive Mastermind.  *ooooooh*

I am suddenly feeling, like, SO George Clooney in "Ocean's Eleven" .... or maybe Marky Mark in "The Italian Job"?

Honestly, I'm not so sure I'd be a great mastermind, partly because my piping seems to be getting in the way.  Can anyone think of good female masterminds?

But if the CIA says so, then it just gots to be, y'all.  After all, they are all about the *correct intelligence*-- ne c'est pas?